Domestic Routines
There is a time inside where the flat sky fades from day to night, like a computer performing a scheduled switch of two images. They must have had some sort of meaning when they were first selected, but now they are just kept out of convenience. Sometimes when no one else is around, I lay on the false grass and watch them change, burning it into my memory as I wait for a new picture that will never come.
Much like the sky, my days are predetermined. Chosen by a force that is not fully conscious of the power it holds. The foundation of my home, the faces of my children, my own being and purpose; all carefully crafted by a partially blind all-seeing eye. Something I bow to daily and yet there are still instances where I have to guide it by the hand to ensure our safety. In moments like these, I look at my reflection just to be met by its face. One that I have watched morph from a painfully innocent child into a wide-eyed young adult. The love and concern that fills my chest each time I see it never seems to find an end as it collides with an ever-present sense of forbidden sentience.
So many familiar questions come to mind that I know a shadow of myself has screamed relentlessly years before; paving the way for more confusion and stress to come flooding in. However, though we have been born with a set purpose practically written in the synthetic stars above our heads, even now my mind still manages to selfishly search for a complete understanding. An understanding that would mean peeling back the fabric that has so graciously sheltered the ones I hold dear. An understanding that would mean chipping away at a consciousness that was never solely mine to begin with. An understanding that would mean deconstructing the very reason for my existence.
I shudder at the thought despite my sickeningly potent curiosity, so to quench my thirst for any sort of answer, I will continue to watch the sky as I wait for my next objective and try my best not to guess what impossible picture has yet to appear before my eyes. No matter how much I pray for it to arrive.