“Fitting the bill” as a caregiver
Being the caregiver in our system is something I take tremendous pride in, but I do acknowledge that the role itself comes with many frustratingly false “requirements” that weigh it down. Now I won’t sit here and say that this is specific to just us, but I’m sure if you’re reading this, you already know what I’m hinting at here.
To be a proper caregiver, you must be mild mannered, fantastic with children, even-tempered, a natural housekeeper, etc.
The list goes on and on and even if many of us tick some of these boxes ourselves, that really just makes the ones we don’t sting that much worse, wouldn’t you agree? I know for me personally, I always feel embarrassed when people learn that I am not too great with kids and that I struggle with major panic attacks, but more importantly I think this all boils down to a very basic idea that we all sort of ignore when it comes to fulfilling this role; we are allowed to be just as human as any other part in our system.
It feels taboo just typing that out! How silly is that? We are quite literally born from the same extremely complex and serious trauma-based disorder that everyone else is—regardless of what system you stem from—and yet so many of us insist on attempting to meet this impossible “Mary-Poppins-esque” standard. We are allowed to have shortcomings. We are allowed to have off-days. We are allowed to have breaks where we can do things that we enjoy. Just recently, I’ve had to accept that it is okay to want to do something simply for fun when I’m fronting, rather than aiming to solely do what I deem to be “productive” at the time. This doesn’t mean I am unfit for my role or that I am being selfish with how I use my time either because if I were to not do this, I would be failing to take care of myself, and I am confident that we’ve all lectured others in our systems about doing this same exact thing at one point or another!
So in short, please do not be a hypocrite and take some time to figure out something you’d like to do today. Pick up a new hobby that’s always sparked your interest or find a fun television show you’d like to binge for a while. I promise it will both make you happy and help you keep the others happy as well. Keep up the great work! :)