Journaling Tips For New Systems (That Are Actually Realistic!)
If you’ve looked into treatment tips surrounding DID, you’ve probably noticed that journaling and dissociative identity disorder go hand in hand. And with that comes a plethora of people online talking about how they personally go about doing it while showing off all of the fabulously fluid and constructive ways they’ve managed to build communication with their system, which is wonderful! Seriously, good for those guys.
What isn’t wonderful though is the lack of transparency with just how challenging it is to get to that point. And it is this same lack of transparency that leads to many newly diagnosed systems to give up on journaling before they even get a chance to really start.
That’s where this little blurb comes in!
With this post, I’m going to list some of the journaling tips I wished I knew when I was first diagnosed, as well as some that I wished I never learned to begin with. Please keep in mind that these are all from personal experience/things I’ve been taught throughout my time in therapy, so I am in no way suggesting I am a mental health professional! I’m just sharing what I’ve found to be beneficial for me and my system. :)
Getting Used To Writing For You
Your journal (despite what others may say online) is not and will not be just an open inbox for you to chat freely with all of your alters. In fact, that level of communication comes WAY down the line. This is why writing with just yourself in mind is so important. It will most likely be one of the first things you do in terms of creating entries and is an excellent way to self-reflect and/or process major events that are going on in your life, whether they be physical or emotional.
Not to mention writing for yourself feels incredibly awkward and even a little silly when you first start out (or at least it did for me), so getting used to that whole idea and carrying it out regularly really helps establish journaling as a therapeutic tool that you can easily take advantage of whenever it’s needed.
Stop Trying To Force Communication Right Off The Bat
A common notion I see floating around online DID spaces is that if you want to communicate with your alters, the best thing to do is to journal “at them” until they respond. Sorry to burst your bubble anyone who swears by this, but this practice isn’t just unhelpful, it can be harmful to both your system and your overall mental health.
When you are aware of your alters, but can’t start up a dialogue with them, there could be multiple reasons as to why. Some of which you may not even be aware of thanks to dissociative barriers, and this is all part of how DID functions as both a disorder and a survival mechanism. To put things simply, if the brain deems you “unable to handle” certain information (including the alters themselves), then those barriers will stay firmly in place. Focusing solely on them while also obsessively trying to crack them prematurely on your own will either just make them harder to work with in the future or lead to you potentially learning something that could send you into a downward spiral.
Oh, and you might even split more as a result. Kind of counterproductive, don’t you think?
Don’t Be Afraid To Experiment
Believe it or not, journaling doesn’t always just have to be paragraphs upon paragraphs detailing how your week went. There are countless different ways to jot down your thoughts and feelings, it all depends on what works best for you in that moment.
Don’t feel like your words are really getting your point across emotionally? Give poetry a try.
Feeling tired of writing all together, but still want to express where you’re at mentally? Draw something that represents that instead.
Much like you as a person and onions, journaling has many different layers to it. Don’t feel disappointed with yourself because a certain style you originally stuck with doesn’t fit your needs anymore. As you grow and change with treatment, the journaling methods you use should do the same.
Have More Than One Just In Case
Getting back to the communication aspect of things, just because it may not be instantaneous, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t prepare. Having more than one journal in use at a time allows anyone who may be interested in participating to have the space they need to do so. More importantly though, it’s just a good idea in terms of organization. For example, if you want to start a new entry, but also know it’s going to contain some heavy material, it’s best to have a journal that is only used for more triggering topics.
Now does this mean with one hundred percent certainty that both journals will be used exactly in the way you intended when someone else does finally come around? No, of course not, but that’s what therapy is for. With time, you will learn how to establish rules and boundaries within your system that work for all (or at least most) of you, and that includes journaling.
Think of this as one of the first you’re trying to set up for everybody.
Keep An Open Mind And Be Patient With Yourself
Lastly, and in my opinion most importantly, try your best to keep an open mind throughout this entire process. I say this because (sort of in the same vein as #4), there will be days were you run into things that you may not remember writing at all. And when this happens, there’s a good chance you won’t exactly…agree…with what you read. It might even feel a little scary finding the entry to begin with.
Both of these reactions are completely normal and no, you are not a bad person for accidentally breaching another alter’s privacy in this way. As previously mentioned, mistakes will be made and boundaries will be crossed—especially when you just start getting the ball rolling—and with all of that comes the realization that this is actually happening.
You are communicating with parts of yourself you didn’t even know existed until recently.
You are witnessing them express themselves just as you did countless times and you’re now seeing just how different they can be.
To say that is jarring would be the understatement of the century, so naturally you’re going to step on someone else’s emotional toes along the way, and it’s important to know that this is okay. Not that it’s exactly what you wanted and had in mind for the future, but that it is okay.
To wrap things up here, journaling therapeutically can be difficult for anyone, but when learning how to utilize it in a way that works while also having dissociative identity disorder…there’s many ways to get lost, to say the least. Try your best to go easy on yourself during this time and remember that you’re doing this for both your well-being and your system’s as a whole. Things may get messy at certain points, but you will all eventually be on or around the same page (pun intended).
You got this. :)